Monday, February 25, 2008

Disturb us, Oh Lord

a prayer that Doc Leo Garcia use to say as we begin our Levinas class.

Disturb Us, Oh Lord

~Sir Francis Drake's Prayer~

Disturb us, O Lord, when
We are too pleased with ourselves;
When our dreams have come true,
Because we dreamed too little.
We arrived safely,
Because we sailed too close to shore.
Disturb us, O Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess,
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity.
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.
Disturb us, O Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wilder seas
Where storms will show Your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push us into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.
Amen.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

the curse of the a priori

(Nosebleed.)
Background of the study: an april 2007 blogpost

It is innate yet hard to internalize.
It is always there though always left unaffirmed.
For its strength and permanence, we nail it to a place till eternity; but we leave it on its own.

When we'd like to believe that we can always overcome due to a very strong claim (say, this is already tested, proven and progressive - aha, synthetic a priori), I must say that the belief to the stability of anything is not enough.

Who knows, baka naman napapagod rin pala ang a priori. Masisisi mo ba sya? Hindi. A priori is presence - wala iyang sasabihin, andyan lang yan. Ikaw eh, pinako mo.


After all, it is but a mental designation. And who designates? No else but man, who is both culpable of wrong thought and wrong perception. Aha, a priori does not need perception, but who says that it does need attention?

So, KSP pala ang a priori. No, it is the philosopher's choice to think it over. And thinking is an experience, and a lived-one at that. Philosophers are lovers of wisdom -- which includes the love of their self-designated distinctions.

Hay Platon, kasalanan mo ang lahat.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

a la session de prochaine: on ditching french

I have just had my 6th cut in my module two at alliance which deprives me of my module two certificate and would require me of an exam to be accelerated to module three. Anyway, i will be taking (errhm, bound to have) another session to be able to comply to my foreign language requirement. This delinquency does not (yet) destroy "the dream", but im really sorry about what happened. Eh ganun talaga eh.

Hay. Kung sumasabay lang ang oras kapag pinigilan mo ang relo.

Nakakapagod.

Monday, February 18, 2008

SPLICE!

This is a note-taking technique i learned from Inang Tanlayco. To splice is to cut (i.e., scissor) notes/data from different sources for re-pasting in order to recognize a comprehensible sequence of narrative. Splicing is a manual copy-paste method that is used to develop an idea/story. When something new is developed and the sources are cited, it's okay - otherwise, your paper's plagiarized.

Last week was devotedly spent in compiling the articles to be included in the fifth volume of our quadricentennial project. Being such an OC, I made it sure that all the articles are neatly compiled and consistent to our Master List. I even skipped my thursday class at alliance just to make it sure that it can be forwarded to Dr. Pasricha on saturday morning. However, Dr. Co (the editor) wanted to have a final look and so the deadline had been moved to this week.

I was able to accomplish my tasks on friday afternoon and was so eager to give it so we can move to our other pending jobs. I was able to compile two big binders, with a reproduced version of four uni-bound (snappy copy-bound) volumes -- neatly arranged and quadruple-checked. I thought that it would only take a look from Dr Co for its approval. But I was wrong.

After the fifth and final check of the sequence, he expressed his joy about the completion of articles, only that he had just thought of a better way of organizing them. Spurred as though a better idea really came out, he immediately asked for the Master List and started to cut the articles into pieces. He asked for an extra sheet of paper to which I was asked to paste the "new sequence". Then he dropped the bomb, "we're not giving this yet to josie, we have to rearrange these articles."

Shucks, babaklasin ang uni-bind. Gagawa ng bagong title pages. Gagawa ng nth version ng masterlist.

I must have turned pale and the venerable master must have noticed it, and so he said, "it's gonna be okay Liz. Nothing's wrong. Never mind. We have to do it. We have to do it." It took me five minutes to recover, but right then and there I have understood what he meant. We are up to an arrangement that can suggest a better perspective to our researchers. Then a teasing follow-up, "Don't cry Liz. It's okay." Yea it's true, splicing is very normal in research. Better this be done now.

Further thought made me think about life. Splicing indeed is very common. Sometimes, you just have to do abrupt cuts to find a better view or to set your story to a better direction. It could hurt, it is indeed disturbing, it is never comfortable -- but yes, "we just have to do it." Sometimes, to splice means to undo what has been done so we can do something new, or perhaps we can see things according to their proper perspectives. It means starting anew by throwing the trash and cutting unwanted edges - perhaps to save us from further trouble or perhaps not to be hurt by these same sharp edges.

Yea, just like any other research project, life is meant to be arranged. And perhaps for a better one, it is even subject to abrupt and painful re-arrangements. I'm not sure if I am already disposed to put up happy statements, but I just have to admit that I also have to be spliced.
(as if magulo talaga ang buhay ko. hehe.)

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

please read (from voltaire lozada)

this is from a dear advisee, voltaire - a nephew of jun lozada. posting it here to show support.

(http://voltz1129.multiply.com/journal/item/43?replies_read=1).


A proverbial clash between David and Goliath, a boy surrounded by bullies. It’s starting. Claims being denied left and right, being retracted at every turn. Our family desperately needs help. We need people to believe, we need people who will support us, and this is the only way I know how to reach out. So please, if you care enough, please repost this so that your circle of friends may be informed. For further information, please read my past blogs.]

Given another chance, I wouldn’t choose a testimony on a Friday. This gave palace officials a couple of days to prepare. If you could notice, right after the hearing and the press conference, the implicated persons were out of public’s sight. Instead, some others were made to appear in front of the media. Now, after two days, these are the things that are happening:

Media people were paid 500K to shut up. I received a text message. I could only speculate. But I’m afraid it might be true. During these times, I’m going to take it for what its worth. Hopefully, its not true. Hopefully, journalists and media people will stick to their principles and continue to uphold the truth and not compromise it for any monetary value. But let me share one article that may somewhat give justice to this claim:

An article in Pilipino Star Ngayon dated Feb 9 claimed that it was only Sen Enrile who gave the most “substantial” line of questioning by asking my uncle why he chose to stay with those people whom he knew were corrupt. The article further claimed that my uncle loses credibility by choosing to stay with the corrupt people and goes on to say that he himself is corrupt by his own admission. Sen Escudero said it best: only a thief can catch a thief. If someone stole your cellphone and you report it to the police, do you think it will be recovered? I highly doubt it. I would dare claim that they won’t even catch the guy who took it. But go ask your local bully who just happens to be your friend, and I’m sure that within seconds someone will say that it was “magically” brought to him by another person. If my uncle turned his back from that project that early, yes, it could have made his life easier. But then again, if he was not there, we’d be listening to the Arroyo – De Venecia family feud on our sets now, without knowing for certain who’s telling the truth and who’s speaking mere lies..

Military is funded P-6B. Again, I’m taking it for what it’s worth. To begin with, I don’t really trust the military. Other than Trillanes and the Magdalo group, I think they’re the President’s private army. Try to look at the past PNP and AFP chiefs. They are either retired well off, or still serving the government in some other capacity. Favors never ended for them. But again, this is speculation, my opinion. Besides, after my godfather was brutally murdered by the “intelligence” unit of the PNP and were punished by something a bit harsher than a slap at the wrist (the criminals, all police officers, got about 6 months suspension, my godfather’s family got I think around 5mil in compensation, and that’s about it.), they were back on the force, ready to make mistakes again.

Weird events. My cousin and my aunts are saying that a black Mitsubishi Adventure is roaming around their houses. Yesterday, I was to go to their house, but on the way, I say a black Crosswind seemingly lost. I tried to follow it, but it stopped at some house. To avoid suspicion, I went on my way. Earlier, as I was going home, this same Crosswind was coming into the village and went through the security gate, meaning they were not homeowners. Still, it was moving slowly. I might be paranoid, but again, I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt. Also yesterday, someone called up claiming to be from the Wheelers Club. For those who don’t know, it is a towing service which you apply membership for so that in case of any accident, they will tow your vehicle free of charge. My mother’s vehicle is a registered vehicle. Here’s how the conversation went:

Lady: is Ms Evangeline Lozada going to register the vehicle again? Her vehicle is a white Mitsubishi Lancer with plate number _ _ _ - _ _ _, right?
Sister: uh, yes?
Lady: Is your mother still using the vehicle?
Sister: no, she’s commuting. Who is this?
Lady: Uhm, this is Mila.
Sister: Mila who?
Lady: Mila Diaz.
Sister: Where are you from?
Lady: Uhm, this is from Towing.
Sister: Towing?
Lady: Yes, from the Wheeler’s club.
Sister: What branch?
Lady: E. Rod.
Sister: Do you have a phone number?
Lady: 0920…
Sister: Don’t you have a landline number for your office?
Lady: Uhm, wait. (pauses for a while, seemingly getting something) its (insert Wheeler’s Club number here)

This is why it’s weird. First, my mother’s membership isn’t due until July this year. What would be the reason behind someone calling about her membership? Next, why would anyone from the towing department call and ask about membership? Their job is to tow cars, not register people. Another thing, for registration purposes, why would you need to know if the person is still using the vehicle? I mean, why the hell should they care? They’re already paid and that payment is good until July, so what’s their business wanting to know how that car is right now? And finally, if she is an employee of the Wheeler’s club, why must she pause and look for a number for their own office? You can look Wheeler’s Club up in any yellow pages. Why is it that the first number that would come to her mind is her cellphone number? For official purposes, shouldn’t you give out your company’s own number?

Another call weird call was from someone from Days hotel, asking if my father was home. Asked why, he said he just wants to know if he’s here. Upon saying he isn’t the person on the other end said thanks, and put the phone down. Promos are common nowadays, but from Days hotel? Can anyone tell me if they got a call from them recently looking for a person and not saying why? My father isn’t a hotel person. At least, that’s what I know. At this particular time, I’d trust him more than the Days dude.

We may just be paranoid, but we’re not taking any chances.

Retractions and preparations. Abalos, on his initial interview, fumed when asked by a reporter his thoughts now that 3 people are implicating him on the ZTE deal. He lost his cool. Days after that incident, he appears in front of the media, saying that he is going to file a libel case against my uncle. Now, he has an alibi, a story he can tell the whole world, so he waited until after a couple of days before he could readily face the media. With all due respect to Benjamin, the mayor of Mandaluyong and son of the controversial Abalos, is one of the mayors I actually admire. I don’t know him, I am not from Mandaluyong, but I like him simply because he is a Bosconian. The four years of my life in Don Bosco Mandaluyong have been the most transformative in my life, simply because of the care of the Salesian priests. I have no doubt in my mind that he too is one of those people guided by the principles of the Salesians. I leave him to decide whether or not he will choose the truth over his family.

Gen. Razon, for his part, is still maintaining that he merely acted on my uncle’s request. He is still firm on saying that my uncle wrote to him asking for safety, because he fears for his life. Again, we ask, safety from what and from whom? The senate isn’t going to kill him. “Arrest” doesn’t mean he’s going to get killed, and we’re not dumb as to believing that something bad will happen to him at the senate. We are afraid of the administration and Abalos, and help from the PNP is the last thing that we’re going to ask for after what they did to my godfather, Uncle Jun’s brother. Razon initially claimed that records do not show a certain Roger Valeroso. However, a further search on their database revealed that this Valeroso was actually a former member of the PNP who is now with the DENR. A couple of points I want to question: Under what capacity can a mere SPO4 serve in the DENR? Yes, one may ask too, what is an official of the Forestry corporation doing in a broadband deal? Different talents may be in one person, which is why they serve in areas which are totally different from each other. But as my uncle said, one of his tasks was to “moderate their greed” which ultimately means allow greed, but not to blown up proportions. Could that be Mr. Valeroso’s task in the DENR? But then again, why is he being asked to run errand picking people up in the airport? Additionally, where is he? Why has he not appeared yet, and why is it that only his name is being surfaced, and not the person himself to prove his existence? And most importantly, Razon said that the PNP is just doing their duty of “securing” my uncle, and they have accomplished that mission since my uncle is now speaking in front of the public. However, if it were true that PNP personnel were the people who handled my uncle, why is it that Roger Valeroso is from the DENR? It’s problematic. He and Gen. Atutubo should’ve talked first before releasing a statement.

Speaking of Gen. Atutubo, has anyone seen or heard from him after Thursday? I haven’t. Maybe they’re still spanking him for speaking without coordinating. Palace officials and scriptwriters are now having a hard time trying to figure out how the abduction angle can be dispelled, because apparently, the written request and my Aunt’s supposed request are not yet enough for the people.

Sec. Neri, the dear friend my uncle seeks to protect out of “respect”, is not even supporting him, which is all the more demoralizing, for lack of a better term, for me personally. My uncle’s in a position where he can no longer turn back, so afraid or not, he should carry on. He’s been broken down in Hong Kong. On the account of people who were with him, there were times when he answers his cellphone and then his eyes just suddenly turns red. We want to show him that we’re still behind him, but personally, I’m feeling disappointed and afraid that this might lead to nothing because they’re ganging up on him.

Invoking rights. Let me get it right: according to the bill of rights, one has the right to invoke his right against self-incrimination. By invoking this right, one may not be persecuted by evidence that is from him. When Sen. Miriam Santiago was questioning my uncle, he could have very well invoked this right so as he would not be persecuted on his admittance. He didn’t, because he wasn’t going to hide anything (well, apparently, anything that does not involve Sec. Neri) from the public. Now, people from the government are filing a case against him because of his admittance of corruption. And you know why? Because “this government does not tolerate corruption.” Tell that to importers who continually pay people from customs so that they can go on with their business. Tell that to countless people who MMDA and traffic enforcers extort money from. Tell that to the general public. Tell that to the farmers who walked all the way from the province to air out their grievances to the government. And if they all say that statement is a fact, then I will concede that the President is in fact our savior, and no other person is fit to be in that position of power than her.

Funding. I could tell you this much: a couple of my cousins and I are discussing this situation, and we concede that if it were up to us, we would just shut up given the right amount, amounts that would make us all set until at least the next generation. I will not be a hypocrite who will say that I am an all-righteous person. I just want to live a quiet, simple life. That’s why I’ve been holding off law school even to this date. By doing all these, we’re being put at the very top of the most wanted list of the Leprechaun’s private army. It’s a tough company to go against. She has allies in all major departments of the country and she is the well-loved commander-in-chief of the military leaders. Accepting an amount is the easiest way to get out of this mess. But after my uncle’s testimony, how else can you retract after going this deep into it?

My uncle is doing this for the country, in honor of that great man who produced excellent people, my grandfather, Rodolfo Sr., or “Upoy” for the locals in Ligao, Albay. This country, as my uncle claimed, has done so much for our family. What he is doing now is the least he can do to repay this for this country and honor his father. I am just afraid that he may be “just another witness” to the very same people who he is trying to protect. To dispel the possibility of funding from the other side, I will wholeheartedly say that he is not motivated or funded by anyone from the opposition. To tell you frankly, my uncle’s not that poor to be bought at some price (unlike me and my cousins). While he was in Hong Kong, he was telling my father that he doesn’t want to talk to Sen. Lacson anymore because it seems that he is using him for his political ambitions in 2010. He wanted his family to be the ones who would fetch him from the airport because he doesn’t want to be linked to any opposition senator, as it might give the wrong impression.

Personal knowledge is all we have. Should there be any actual evidence, I personally would not know of it. However, I can attest that everything he said in the senate about his involvement in the ZTE deal is true due to the fact that it is the same story we’ve heard countless times before. And that is all we have. That is the only stone that we could throw at the Goliath we are going up against. I implore you people, please make your voices heard. Please pass this on. Let more people know so that they will not be confined to what they hear or see on the different media that present news. Our involvement in this mess won’t make us rich. It won’t make my uncle the president of this country. National recognition may be inevitable, but what more can it give you than celebrity status, and how in the hell can it improve his lifestyle? We gain nothing big from this mess. So please, help this David out and spread the truth before Goliath completely annihilates him and make him just another page in their book of lies.


Voltaire

Monday, February 11, 2008

onelast-onetime-bigtime

reposted from multiply (written sometime in may 2007, too bad i just have to repeat the same lines.) after all, im entitled to my own blogpost.

By the River Piedra, I sat down and wept by Paulo Coelho -- I hated this book way back in college, only to find out that the more appropriate disposition could've been dread.

By the River Piedra I sat down and wept. There is a legend that everything that falls into the waters of this river -- leaves, insects, the feathers of birds -- is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed. If only I could tear out my hear and hurl it into the current, then my pain and longing would be over, and I could finally forget.

By the River Piedra I sat down and wept. The winter air chills the tears on my cheeks, and my tears fall into the cold waters that course past me. Somewhere, this river joins another, then another, until -- far from my heart and sight -- all of them merge with the sea.

May my tears run just as far, that my love might never know that one day I cried for him. May my tears run just as far, that I might forget the River Piedra, the monastery, the church, in the Pyrenees, the mists, and the paths we walked together.

I shall forget the road, the mountains, and the fields of my dreams -- the dreams that will never come true.

I remember my "magic moment" -- that instant when a "yes" or a "no" can change one's life forever. It seems so long ago now. It is hard to believe that it was only last week that I had found my love once again, and then lost him.

I am writing this story on the bank of the River Piedra. My hands are freezing, my legs are numb, and every minute I want to stop.

"Seek to live. Remembrance is for the old," he said.

Perhaps love makes us old before our time or young, if youth has passed. But how can I not recall those moments? That is why I write -- to try to turn sadness into longing, solitude into remembrance. So that when I finish telling myself the story, I can toss it into the Piedra. That's what the woman we has given me shelter told me to do. Only then -- in the words of one of the saints -- will the water extinguish what the flames have written.

All love stories are the same.

I must have been too tired when I read the book years back that I failed to find my heart in it. Now, I've come to the point where I could but repeat Pilar's lines. No reactions, not even a preachy sermon - just plain and forlorn resonance. At this stance, I am again choosing the grace of silence, and perhaps just pray and weep (though hopefully not for the same reason) with Pilar.


Amen.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

out of sight (myra's journal)

I stole some time at the jp2 research center to bloghop (thru proxybrowsing, ahaha nagplug pa. peaceout sir joel, hehehe), then i chanced upon reading a title of one of myra's entries. Uhh, teka, ba't nasa title ang pangalan ko?

http://sturmunddrang.multiply.com/journal/item/2/Out_of_Sight?replies_read=5

I hit on the url then read the entry. It was a write-up for a Retorika class seven years back (2001). Mye's a very good college-friend with whom i shared so many things in common - pareho kaming paxie, scholar, grade-conscious, (semi)student-leader, choirmember, naging titser... only that she chose a path opposite to nerd-dom, naiwan ako sa academe. I remember those days when everyone in our group (the Butterflies) were all academic-freaks and hopeless romantics. But among us, Mye would always stand out, as a matter of fact, she was our class valedictorian.

Reading her entry made me realize how other people see me, especially those whom i always look up to. Given that her entry is written seven years back, it made me recall how I was, and perhaps how I should always be. Philosophy must have given me a tough shell, it made me stronger and wiser but a little less sensitive. I try hard to be upright at all times, but sometimes it could also mean being uptight. I always want to make sense - this is my constant object of strife, nonetheless and to be honest - I still seek for liberation.

Myra Jennifer, thanks for reminding me of who i am. I may not have that long umbrella that I used to carry with me, must have been so drowned with work to forget and must have even turned to be dogmatic and preachy when i remember. Salamat sa paglampas-tanaw.

Salamat sa kumpiyansa. Salamat sa pagtanaw bagaman di niyo ako halos makita.