thus whined fleurdeliz (labor day edition)

And so this is summer.

Thus whined Fleurdeliz. Labor day naman eh! =)

I spent my April organizing a major event, redo-ing French (M2), and beating deadlineS for "the" university 2011 philosophy project. Although it is also in this month when I was able to submit my revised proposal, I regret “stealing” the time that I should have spent for reading and writing. On the second thought, focusing just on my phd research would also be stifling. But I guess, it’s the most liberating thing that I could do as of now. I’d like to do my work at home (in solitude); or perhaps away from home, prolly in a coffeeshop or patio where I’m free from the usual hustles and bustles in the household, and my mom reminding me of my posture when I am reading or in front of the computer. (It’s just sad to realize how I’ve been a slave to my work, adults and my “planner” -- I love them all, really. It's just that I am seeking for a little liberation. Hehe.)

In between breaks, I daydream of being in a cold place where I can do my “existential walks” – think of good stuff, create a mindmap at least for a chapter, and pray while not whining to God about bad stuff and being reminded that my heart is broken.

I long to see God’s grandeur while not convincing myself to find it amidst the piles of papers, while running to and fro libraries, offices and banks and trying my darned-best to please anybody else. I’m going home to Bacolod for a week on the second week of May but I’m dead sure that visiting relatives and tagging along to places since you have to comply to some people’s plans for you would make it just another busy week.

For the first time in my life, I want to stay away from home. For the first time in my philo-life, I want to get rid of coffee. I need a detox, I want to sleep. I want to stay in a hermitage – kahit isa-dalawang linggo lang.

While everybody’s enjoying the sun, in the middle of summer. Here I am in a nook of my home, doing some archival work and beating a press deadline (on a Labor Day)… and whining. Pa-sweldo naman jan, Lord!

Just like any other rant, this too shall pass.