JESUS AND THE DISCIPLE

Copy-pasted from Kuya Rai's multiply blog.

Peter and the gang (haha), and to those who think that they're not worthy.
This one's for you.

JESUS AND THE DISCIPLE
Ryan Jose Mendoza, SJ

(from my 8-day retreat 2006)

It was a wind-blasted winter evening, close to midnight, and the doors of the apartment were locked. Inside the disciple was eating popcorn and riffling through the Gospels. He was reading at top speed, flipping pages, hoping a word, a sentence, a story would make him stop. He was looking for something, but he wasn’t sure what it was.

Suddenly Jesus appeared and sat down in the chair opposite to him. The disciple blanched. He shook his head, rubbed his eyes, looked away and looked back. Jesus stubbornly stayed put. Finally, Jesus said, “got anything to eat?”

“I get it,” said the disciple. “That’s what you did after you rose. When the disciples thought you were a ghost, you asked for something to eat. It reassured them that you were real.”

“I was hungry. What is this stuff?”

“Popcorn.” The disciple passed the bowl over to Jesus. “Try some, Lord.” he said; and the words sounded absolutely ludicrous. He consoled himself with the thought that he didn’t say, “Mister Lord.”

Jesus took one piece of popcorn and looked at it as though he were examining a diamond with an eyepiece.

“Wonderful shape,” Jesus said; “and each one is just different. I like them.”

The disciple became uneasy. He never heard popcorn referred as “them”. And how much did he know he liked them if he hadn’t tasted them?

Jesus put one piece in his mouth and chewed it carefully for close to minute. The disciple grabbed a handful.

“Not enough salt,” Jesus finally said.

“Salt is not good for you,” warned the disciple.

“I was always one for a lot of salt,” said Jesus. “Hey! Jesus raised his finger in the air like he was about to give a teaching. “Has anyone tried putting butter on this stuff?”

“It’s been done. But butter is not good for you either.”

“You are a very careful person,” said Jesus.

“Thanks,” said the disciple. “Here, have some more.” The disciple raised the bowl of popcorn off the table and offered it to Jesus.

“No thanks.”

“You are the only person I know who can eat only one piece of popcorn and stop.”

“Of course. I’m God,” Jesus said, and laughed.

The disciple did tried his best to chuckle.

“How come when you eat popcorn?” Jesus said as he stroked his chin, “you try to get as much into your mouth as possible and it spills out, and you have to pick it off your shirt, and put it back to your mouth?”

“Oh God, I knew this was going to happen.”

“Why does everybody say that when I’m around?” asked Jesus, a bit irritated. “What did you know was going to happen?”

“You notice everything and make remarks.”

“Don’t you like to be noticed?”

“As a matter of fact I don’t.”

The disciple closed his eyes. When he opened them, Jesus was still there, smiling.

“Why did you come?”

“To teach you how to eat popcorn.” Jesus looked pleased with himself.]

The disciple looked down at the bowl of popcorn on the table. “Are you going to toy with me?” he said haughtily.

“I am not toying with you. I always come to see what is lost; and when people are searching through my story at midnight like it was a medicine cabinet. It is usually a sign that they are lost.”

Like hell I’m lost!” the disciple shouted.

“Like hell you’re not!” Jesus shouted back.

Their eyes locked. The disciple was first to look away.

“It’s a mild case of midlife crisis. I’ll be over it in a couple of months.” The disciple gave a “what can I tell you” shrug of his shoulders.

“Is that what they are calling temptation these days – midlife crisis?”

The disciple laughed in spite of himself.

Slowly Jesus reached over to the bowl of popcorn, took one piece and popped it into his mouth. Jesus’ obvious enjoyment made the disciple shake his head.

“Even God can’t eat only one piece of popcorn,” said the disciple.

“Especially God,” said Jesus. “Try some.”

The disciple instinctively took a handful of popcorn, but then let some fall back into the bowl. He put the pieces in his mouth two or three at a time.

When both of them had finished chewing, Jesus said in a very gentle voice, “You have been with me now a for a long time, and you were wondering whether it is all worth it. You are thinking of divorcing me quietly, aren’t you?”

“It crossed my mind.”

“My friend, you more chutzpah. Blessed are those who are not embarrassed by me.”

Jesus waited, but there were no words for a long time.

Then Jesus said, “there was a bank robber who planned a heist for a long time. He had worked out the details and was ready to go. But when he got to the bank teller’s window, he suddenly panicked and asked directions to the washroom.”

“Hah! You’re saying that I can’t carry through what I set out to do.”

“I’m saying risk the salt on the popcorn.”

“Jesus,” said the disciple in an exasperated tone, “I’m going to lay it on the line. You walk too fast: I can’t keep up.”

“Better be out of breath behind me than ahead of everyone else.”

“I want a more moderate master so that I can be a better disciple.”

“You are a perfect disciple. You are having second thoughts.”

“That may be accurate, but it’s hardly perfects.”

“My friend, that is the way of the earth beyond the earth. Why live out of something as small as you are? Love me because I am large enough to betray. But I do not think you are happy in the land of mercy.”

“God, you are a bittersweet experience. Why do you say things so harshly?”

“Peter used to say that I was the only one who could say, ‘God loves you’ and g et everybody mad.”

The disciple laughed. So did Jesus.

“You laugh at the right places,” said Jesus. Then suddenly he asked, “So are you going to stick around?”

“Where will I go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68)

“No fair stealing Peter’s lines.”

“Will you stick around with someone like me?” The disciple sighed like some great build up of pressure had been released.

“Is that what this is all about?” asked Jesus “you know everything; you know that I love you?”

“No fair in stealing Peter’s lines. Why did you say that?”

“When Peter said it to me, it blew me away. I hoped it might do the same thing for you.”

“But I don’t know everything.”

“You know enough.”

“I know that even when I want you to go away, I don’t want you to go away.”

“East of Eden we call that love.” said the Master, and tears ran freely down his face.

In imitation of his master, the disciple cried.

For a long time there were no words, only the silence of communication.

“You know,” Jesus finally said, “after Lazarus came back to life, he told me that what woke him up in the tomb was the sound of my tears” (John 11:35).

“I can believe it,” said the disciple.

Jesus smiled and reached for a third piece of popcorn. The disciple also took a piece. Jesus closed his eyes to savor better. The disciple did likewise. When the disciple opened his eyes, Jesus was gone. But there was such an incredible lightness to his being, such a revitalization of his heart that the disciple knew where he had vanished to.