on this day of Inay
I TRIED to revive, or at least remind myself of the spirituality that I do not feel nowadays. I'd like to blame it to entire load that's in my hands right now; but given that I'm always busy, it is not supposed to be an issue.
Perhaps it is indeed true that God's grace can only be felt if you seem helpless during the times that you're supposed to be strong. The responsibilities that I have now could but imply the power that must be its consequent (enter Spiderman - with great power comes great responsibility), yet having so many things to do seem to cause me more wounds than honor. Nonetheless (yes, biglang kabig) by the fact that I can still bring it on, I'd like to think that my strength is not just coming from myself, but from Divine Grace. Had it been just because of me, I'm sure that I can't be as strong despite these wounds.
I hold on to that thought especially now that I'm trying to regain the spirituality that I must have already lost. I attended the Holy Mass in celebration of the Feast of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary and tried my best to pray just as how I did before: fixed my eyes on the left altar where there is the Tabernacle and Inay, tried to find silence and ignored the rest of the world althought text messages of varied concerns kept on coming in. I knew that I should be able to do that, especially now that I particularly intercede through Mary, because I cry to her. However, I was not able to get the light and feel-good disposition that I've been looking for. Now, this reminds me of a recent visit at the Sto. Domingo Church -- whenever I go there, I always find time for a serious visit; but two Sundays ago, I could but have a glimpse of Inay.
Many things came into my head when I was praying earlier:
* Crushed Pride - for saying sorry for a fault that I have not done (or perhaps, I could but be an accessory of); while I don't have any other choice but to take the fault in behalf of some people (who are connected to me anyway), I understand that I don't have any other choice but to carry the burden. Again, somebody's theory about me is once again proven: Di talaga para sa akin ang pagmamaldita.
* A Challenging Team Effort - for something big that we've been working on for the past few months. With all its ups and downs, with its heroes and villains. I could but pray that things will be well. I hope that everybody understands why I have to put a li'l pressure on each because things must be accomplished pronto and efficiently.
* The Point of Working on Projects that Fan Somebody Else's Ego - is it done out of experience or love? Love of whom? Love for what?
* Deadlines to Beat - should be taken as it is.
All of these were in my head while praying that my mind had become garbled and dazed. At the end of the Mass, I tried to think about what happened - Did I really pray?
Perhaps I did, and I hope I really did. It's just bad that it's all I have to offer to Inay. But I know that she understands that she must have hugged me, only if she's really here.
Yea, perhaps I just need Inay's loving embrace.
Perhaps it is indeed true that God's grace can only be felt if you seem helpless during the times that you're supposed to be strong. The responsibilities that I have now could but imply the power that must be its consequent (enter Spiderman - with great power comes great responsibility), yet having so many things to do seem to cause me more wounds than honor. Nonetheless (yes, biglang kabig) by the fact that I can still bring it on, I'd like to think that my strength is not just coming from myself, but from Divine Grace. Had it been just because of me, I'm sure that I can't be as strong despite these wounds.
I hold on to that thought especially now that I'm trying to regain the spirituality that I must have already lost. I attended the Holy Mass in celebration of the Feast of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary and tried my best to pray just as how I did before: fixed my eyes on the left altar where there is the Tabernacle and Inay, tried to find silence and ignored the rest of the world althought text messages of varied concerns kept on coming in. I knew that I should be able to do that, especially now that I particularly intercede through Mary, because I cry to her. However, I was not able to get the light and feel-good disposition that I've been looking for. Now, this reminds me of a recent visit at the Sto. Domingo Church -- whenever I go there, I always find time for a serious visit; but two Sundays ago, I could but have a glimpse of Inay.
Many things came into my head when I was praying earlier:
* Crushed Pride - for saying sorry for a fault that I have not done (or perhaps, I could but be an accessory of); while I don't have any other choice but to take the fault in behalf of some people (who are connected to me anyway), I understand that I don't have any other choice but to carry the burden. Again, somebody's theory about me is once again proven: Di talaga para sa akin ang pagmamaldita.
* A Challenging Team Effort - for something big that we've been working on for the past few months. With all its ups and downs, with its heroes and villains. I could but pray that things will be well. I hope that everybody understands why I have to put a li'l pressure on each because things must be accomplished pronto and efficiently.
* The Point of Working on Projects that Fan Somebody Else's Ego - is it done out of experience or love? Love of whom? Love for what?
* Deadlines to Beat - should be taken as it is.
All of these were in my head while praying that my mind had become garbled and dazed. At the end of the Mass, I tried to think about what happened - Did I really pray?
Perhaps I did, and I hope I really did. It's just bad that it's all I have to offer to Inay. But I know that she understands that she must have hugged me, only if she's really here.
Yea, perhaps I just need Inay's loving embrace.
posted by l'etre pour Autrui at 19:13
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