swift shifts

I'm not writing this to lecture, this time I want to share.

I just had a hell of an emotional ride this day. As I started the day right, I was happy -- clucked at the middle of the day (uhhh, frustration) -- cried a little then got back to my neutral working mode in the afternoon -- poured my heart out in prayer at the mass -- and ended the day smiling once more with a family dinner at KFC. (Don't get me wrong, di eto hormonal problem -- hehehe that's funny may mga taong wala nang masising iba para sa kanilang mga personalidad kundi ang sarili nilang katawan na parang wala silang kinalaman.)

Close friends know that I can work under (and gracefully get through) pressure, but definitely not under pretense. I have patience but when there are things around me that I know would fall short of what I think is right, I try my best not to use that prized-patience, i.e., i find a way to leave -- mag-away kayo dyan, basta ako dito tahimik - sayang pag naubos ang pasensya.

let's define terms:
patience - determinable of the time span i spend for a "sensible" job, i can do things quick (i know, im being overconfident), but really... i can spend a lifetime solving something that i find sooo important.
pretense - i can't fake, and with the transparent gut that i have i cant stand a day not saying anything about things that i find wrong. so instead of being over-blunt, i avoid ocassions of sin by not going too close.
get through - not in the sense that i'll simply get over it, but in the sense that this will teach me (and the others involved) lots of lessons in life and friendship. sure, sure, we'll make it through -- closer and way stronger (i've always believed in that dont worry)

It is just odd why I am choosing to persevere on something that I thought I wouldnt get through. It's funny finding myself going through emotional roller coaster rides while I shouldve just abandoned the ship months ago. I never got into something like this for so long, until today. Namiss ko ngumuyngoy. HOWEVER, after hours of sulking, I find myself in a perky-friendly mode trying to work things out for another project as if nothing's wrong. And since I never work under pretense, I promise that my being perky is not just because I have to put up a business mode. What's been pulling me through? Prayer, i suppose. Talk about God's grace, I think He's the main reason why nothing has been broken, and why nothing can't fall apart. Fr Nolan Que mentioned the magic words once more -- there's no turning back for things that you're being called for. And in my mind I was like, Oo na father, di na nga aalis eh, nagtitiis na nga eh. Yea, onga naman had it not been for God, this shouldve been done, over and out -- i must've lost a wonderful friendship if this isn't meant to 'stay'. It's part of the package, in His greater scheme of things.

Well I suppose there's nothing wrong about us. The problem lies with the circumstances and the people around. Di gawaing Kristiyano ang umalis.

For all of these, there are few things that I know. Emotions operate on an S-R basis. There are indeed reasons why we become happy, sad, angry, excited, raging, hesitant, complacent, etc. -- and all of them would be fleeting. Emotions are valuative by-products of what we perceive, and yes while not putting up the most important thing that we have as human beings -- the intellect.

Sure we're smart and wise. We'll get through. Surely. Why? Because out of the little of what we can do and exhaust, God's always here anyway.

AMEN?